Wednesday, 16 November 2011

How could they?

Don't even speak to me

You will have noticed that I have been rather quiet for the last couple of weeks.

Frankly, this because I have been lost for words.
Worse than that, I have been violated.

I went back to the vets for a quick check up, had the plastic bucket removed from my head, and settled back into everyday life.  Then a couple of days later I was at a loose end and it occurred to me that I hadn’t growled at my testicles for a few days (I don’t know why I do this, but I do).

........... But they weren’t there.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.  And then it all suddenly made sense.

Having had time to think this through, I suppose I can understand where Weird might be coming from, especially after I accidently broke her fingers through over-excitement. But Beard?  The man who won an axe throwing competition and wears Bear Grylls Survivor trousers? 
The man who straight-facedly describes himself as ‘a bit of a hunk’?

Traitor. Traitor. Traitor.

According to my research, it is possible to buy fake dog testicles called neuticles
They are available in sizes from petite to extra large. According to the manufacturer, they allow dogs like me to maintain their self-esteem.
Somehow I don’t imagine they will be on my Christmas list.

1 comment:

  1. So tell me again.

    What was the recipe for those meat balls you cooked the other night?