Saturday, 5 March 2011

Snake wrestling and flying asparagus

Here I am, back in my dog bed and quite clearly in deep disgrace. If Ashley Cole and John Galliano think they’re having a bad week, they want to take a look in my corner of the kitchen.
It all started mid-week when I ate some of the front door after B and W accidentally shut me out of the house for 10 minutes. To Beard’s credit he actually found this funny. .. although this may have been helped by the fact that he and Kenny the Carpenter are currently working on plans for a new dog-proof front door anyway.
Weird was far less impressed, although I had also eaten her Blackberry cover the night before, which itself caused something of an over-reaction.
The real route to my downfall, however, began this morning, while I was helping B lay some new sandstone flags in the garden.  He was using the garden hose, which, being a five month old dog, I initially took to be a particularly large snake. As he is easily distracted from work of any kind, this resulted in a great game of ‘fight the hosepipe’, which the humans found so funny it even resulted in photos being taken (see below).
They’re not laughing now.
This afternoon, B had forgotten he was supposed to be watching me in the garden and went off to do something with the stone cutter.  W was in the kitchen, immersed in Jamie Oliver’s 30 minute meals and fretting over asparagus lasagne – so in all honesty, once I’d pulled up all the tulips I found myself at a loose end.
So I decided to take on the hosepipe for a second round of snake wrestling.  This time I just thought it would be better if I brought it into the house.
Talk about a sense of humour failure.  After much mopping, Beard and I jointly took the blame – in fact, he says we are both in the dog house.
All of which brings me to my interesting news stories of the week.
The first is about a woman in a Cardiff cake shop who went ballistic and cause £400 worth of damage because they didn’t have her favourite flavour of cup cake.
And as for the second, both W and cake-woman might like to take note. Scientists have found that people  and animals with a happy and positive outlook live longer. Stress is really bad for you. 
As Beard said, just before the asparagus hit him: “Chill out dude!”

If you look carefully, you can spot where I ate the front door!