Unbelievable. My obsession with snails meant I spotted this piece of news straight away.
It seems that a GIANT SNAIL has just completed the London Marathon after a 36-day crawl around the course. Brian the Snail (aka 49-year old Lloyd Scott) dragged himself on a sled with a nine foot long costume on top of him.
Even B, who is prone to wearing ridiculous headgear and trying to out-do guests at fancy dress parties, wouldn’t go that far. Apart from wearing a furry hat with sewn-on dog ears when we go out for walks, his triumph to date has been recruiting seven very small women to go to a party dressed as dwarves, while he turned up as Snow White. You couldn’t make it up. On Royal Wedding Day, W had to spend quite some time persuading him not to wear a crown to go to the pub.
Embarrassing humans aside, I have had something of a triumph myself. Last night B and W coaxed me into the kitchen with some sausages and peanut butter, then quick as a flash locked the dog-proof double-door security system, legged it to the car and buggered off to a party in the depths of North Wales.
I was less than impressed.
To cut a long story short, once I’d finished the peanut butter and eaten the tulips which they’d kindly left in a vase on the table, it took a relatively short time to pick the lock on the door and pull it open. Then, by backing up to the far end of the kitchen and running at high speed I managed to clear the second gate. Result.
In their confidence, they had left the stair defences open, so I had the whole house to myself!
After unravelling the toilet roll in Andrex-style and eating some flip flops in the bedroom I needed a rest, so when they arrived home several hours later, they actually found me asleep in their bed. You should have seen their faces!!!
To quote my favourite embarrassing human, the unmatchable Charlie Sheen:
“Your perimeter’s been breached – you got work to do bro!.”
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